i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
