I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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