I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
