So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
