Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
