so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
