Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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