I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
