i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
