mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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