Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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