I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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