Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
