I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
