Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
