Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
