I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
