My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
