There r osticjed everywhere
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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