I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
