Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
