It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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