Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
