Don't make out with my wife yet
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
