When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
