he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
