so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
