Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
