i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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