why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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