I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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