I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
