she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
