I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
