just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
where are my eyebrows?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
