in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
