i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
