I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
