idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
