i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
