So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
