I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
