I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
