i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
