1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
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