I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
