Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
