is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
