woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
