They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
