I think I won the penis lottery.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
